Hot, brutal, cruel, angry -words that are associated with anger aren’t exactly appealing.
“Anger is a particular type of an emotional state that can receive a lot of judgment from ourselves and from other people,” said Dr. Brett Ford, associate professor of psychology at the University of Toronto.
It could be a painful feeling to experience. It could be a cultural stigma; however, we must experience anger, she explained.
“The actual experience of anger being deemed as bad is actually, I think, one of the biggest impediments to our emotional processing,” said Jaime Mahler, a therapist and trauma expert based in New York. “You’re taking a very useful emotion, and you’re squashing it and you’re repressing it, and you’re saying it doesn’t matter.”
The evidence suggests that women and minorities have a particular pressure from culture to calm angry people, Ford said.
The way emotions are expressed can be influenced by social expectations and scripts to follow, Ford added. “And anger is one that tends to have quite powerful and a prohibitive scripts and norms,” Ford said.
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Many people are tempted to fight or cover up their anger. However, these mental health professionals recommend the reverse. The anger, they argue, is a powerful tool that we need to learn how to use in a healthy well-balanced and healthy way.
While it isn’t as pleasant as it might be to experience, the repercussions of not acknowledging it may be more severe, according to Deborah Ashway, a licensed clinical mental health counselor with a base in New Bern, North Carolina.
“If you grew up learning that you’re not allowed … to express anger, after a while, it turns in on itself,” Ashway explained. “And that turns into guilt.”
Anger may inform and safeguard you
Anger doesn’t have to be all doom and doom and.
“Our emotions are our highest guidance that we have, you know, that is available to us,” Ashway explained. “Anger is warning signs. It’s like,’something’s happening there.'”
The anger that is triggered by this could signal an infringement of our morals or a sense of danger or lack of care, she said.
In addition, “anger is a protective emotion,” said Mahler, who is the author of ” Toxic Relationship Recovery: Your Guide to Identifying Toxic Partners, Leaving Unhealthy Dynamics, and Healing Emotional Wounds after a Breakup.”
When it is expressed in a constructive manner, anger can cause people to speak up for their opinions and needs in order to ensure that they’re taken well, Ashway said.
“It helps us establish limits. It aids in self-protection. It allows us to assert ourselves and be a voice for ourselves. It aids in resolving conflicts when it’s handled appropriately,” she added.
This drive may also prompt us to do something about the things that we’re angry about, whether it’s having a tough conversation with a friend, or engaging in political activism, Ford said.
“If something is kind of getting in our way and we need to overcome some sort of obstacle, anger can help provide us with motivation to do that,” she added.
It’s not just rage
What about violence and malice? It is usually linked to anger — but not fierceness, Ashway said.
They are quite different.
“Violence is not a good thing. Punching walls isn’t good. throwing garbage cans into the air is not good,” added Mahler. However, in these instances, “we’re talking about the outcome of unprocessed anger, not anger in and of itself.”
Rage, as she put it, is a relic of the past, not processed anger.
“Rage is quite different, because it’s not serving a good function in the present. It’s more destructive,” Ashway said.
If you’re feeling angered, be calm get some information, and decide on your own feelings. However, angry people have lost charge of their moods, Ashway said.
“You can’t really get to that level of emotional expression unless your anger has not been processed for a very long time,” Mahler stated. “Anger processed can lead to healing but anger unprocessed can lead to violence.”
How do you manage your anger (without worrying about it)
There is evidence to suggest that long-term extreme anger can cause unhealthy mental and physical health, Ford said. This means that ruminating or let anger rage fester may be detrimental.
“(Emotions) aren’t intended to last very long. They’re intended to aid us in managing a particular moment in our lives,” she said.
That’s why it’s so important to stay in the moment and feel the experience fully, Ford said.